Peace Song

'i am a tree, you are the sun, together we are a garden'

i came across this quote in the newspaper last night when i finally got home to my peaceful home.

At first, i liked it because it was a good 'one-liner' that i haven't heard before.

And as sad as it may sound, if a boy said something as clever as this one, then i would probably be more likely to consider because

   a) he's talkin nature. Which is one thing i really love to connect with.

   2. to be put together as a garden instead of  'milk and cookies' is far more romantic in my mind

   in conclusion, i over analyze everything, so to me a garden continues to grow, therefore together as a garden we grow, grow up, grow wise, and just grow to learn. Which i'm all about learning and discovering, which   

 puts a good taste in my mouth about his character

well, after reading the paper, and after a good laugh with FRIENDS, i went to bed.

Soon to find out that the quote i had just read would lead me to buzzy dream..

Long story short, i dreamt that i was traveling and i was somewhere in what seemed liked Bali, and as i was walking through the colorful markets, i somehow ended up in the thick tropical bush of the foreign land where i found a little cave. Of course, i walked into the cave, to find an old arrow pointing up, looked like a child just drew it with chalk.. the wall the arrow was drawn on had little gaps along side of it, perfect for hands and feet to grip on to, creating the same feel similar to a rock climbing wall.

All a sudden, i'm in a cave climbing up towards the ceiling and thinking it wouldn't go to far, all a sudden i'm climbing up and then i get to the top where there was an opening a light shed. i crawl out of the hole and i'm in the middle of Paris.  The Eiffel tower is right in front of me and there are people everywhere, but no one notices that i'm grubby and just climbed out of the sewage.

(i get where my mind made the link because i was reading the National Geographic the other night about how Paris has an entire underworld inside its sewage systems and what not)

Anyways, i end up dusting myself of and going to a good cafe trying to make out the entire connection. All a sudden, a man from the foreign land comes out and pulls up a chair next to mine, in Paris and tells me that i've discovered the path that only few knew of in result, i now have find a tree amongst this city life that has my name engraved on the highest branch. The sun would be leading me to the direction of this tree, and there i will find wisdom that will change my life from then on forward.

 Along the city, a really tall guy who somewhat resembled a lumber jack, big steady and hairy (obviously not a fan of French designers)came up to me asking if i had a compass because he was trying to to pinpoint the direction of the  'sun.' i laughed, because i told him that i was trying to find a 'tree'. We both laughed when we realized a little old foreign man told us to find these things to have wisdom as the reward at the end..

Then i woke up.

buzzy right?

i thought so.

i love interpreting dreams, i love thinking about them. but i'm never any good at them.

in fact, this dream actually left me questioning, what if my heart is leading me in a direction of relationships, not romantic, but to more of a people environment. I'm in constant seclusion mode as it is. I'm often working, meditating, venturing, traveling, eating, reading, walking on my lonesome.  Dwelling on these thoughts this morning, maybe its because valentines day is coming up, maybe its because Waiheke island is the island that everyone and there mother gets married on so there are heaps of lovebirds in the air, or maybe its because i'm surrounded by amazing Godly relationships in which shed bit of hope in that topic for me, cant say for sure, but these thoughts left me feeling quite lonely..until i woke up and did my morning meditation, remembering what i often tend to forget.

 "I will not leave you orphaned. I'm coming back. In just a little while the world will no longer see me, but you're going to see me because I am alive and you're about to come alive. At that moment you will know absolutely that I'm in my Father, and you're in me, and I'm in you." John 14:18-20

"If you love me, show it by doing what I've told you.  I will talk to the Father, and he'll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you." -John 14:15-17.

Maybe the guy i met in my dream was the interpretation of the ultimo Friend that we're all looking for, or striving to be. The one that is selfless, loving, trusting, filled with laughter, and a sense of adventure, and one that will never break your heart.

Maybe the old man in my dream resembles 'God' proving to me, that if i just walk in childlike faith, seeking and in need of true wisdom, not worldly possessions, but truth and wisdom, than along my path to seek it, i will never be alone, constantly held in the arms of my Beloved.

Maybe the sun and the tree started it all because i read that stupid quote in the newspaper, or because the sun and the trees grow together.  They build each other up, without any nagging, without any 'you owe me', and without any selfish restraint.  They just are true to what they are, and in that, they are beautiful in themselves, sulking up life, together, not worrying about what goes on around them.  Everyday, selflessly, holding up, providing life to those who are still looking and trying to figure things out…like me.

Distance has never been on my side.

      I have never been good with goodbyes. I'm not one to show great emotion when a loved one departs, mainly for the purpose that i know that they are off to embark a new path in life which is a grand adventure in itself.  

Airports are possibly the best place to observe the many different types of goodbyes : the silent hug.  The wailing screamish cries. The heavy snotty snobs. the high five and awkward smile. the stare downand obnoxious wave until the person departing is no longer in sight.(usually done by my parents)  Then there is always 'the stare down until the person departing is no longer in sight, yet they still reminisce in that same spot, waiting'…i have always been so curious as to why they just stand there. I've come up with few conclusions, perhaps for them to return, or maybe they're just lost in thought, or maybe for some reason, they  just stop to be in that moment soaking it all up. to the point that when people like me are people watching/ creepin heavily them, they don't even care. they don't mind at all, they just want to stay in the moment of memories and admiration of the person who just left, even if its just for a little bit longer than usual just so they can avoid going back to living life without that person nearby.

Personally, my goodbyes consist of the awkward high five…maybe if your lucky, a lame joke, and if i really love you, a huggle.  No tears, nothing sentimental.

I'm no good with wearing my heart on my sleeve, so usually the awkward laugh instead of tears will do it for me.

Today i had to say goodbye to a beautiful soul that has come into my life.

For three months since the day i met this woman has been everything from nudey-bay swims- crashing random's parties taking pictures with nuns and having awesome conversations with drunk randoms.  For as much that could be done on an island of 8,000, we've nearly done it all.

We've bickered, we've fought, we've laughed, we drove, we talked,( oh how we talked) we prayed, we grew, and we've changed.

No matter what, we've had good times on the reg. 

God knows whats up, haha, He. JUST. KNOWS. WHEN. TO. PLANT. A. PERSON. IN. YOUR. LIFE. WHEN. YOUR. SEASON. IN. LIFE. MAY. NEED. IT. MOST.

so this blog isn't a goodbye, its the awkward high five, cause we'll hang again soon.

your awesome. STAYAWESOME. you know the deal, if you get here in march and are lame, punchy punch.

p.s. remember our chat last night/early morning? well looky what i found reading morning Jesus stuff..i found it quite fitting. Let this be my 'wisdom' to depart you on. haha, although its not me its actually in John 15:11-15  

"i've love you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love.  If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love.  That'ts what i've done -kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love. "i've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature."

"What great courage you give me lonestar"-Monkey Wrench Gang.

 In less time than it takes to aread a good book, the average person can transport himself several thousand miles away from everyone and everything he has ever cared for. The limbic brain registers the disorienting loss of attachments as the all-purpose ache of homesickness.  Letters and phone calls are a salve on the wound, but they are insubstantial substitutes for the full-bandwidth sensory experience of nearness to the ones you love.  To sustain a living relationship, limbic regulation demands sensory inputs that are rich, vivid and frequent.

Most therapists have in their practices at least one casualty of a calamitous move-the college student leaving home for the first time, the recipient of a distancing promotion or transfer-whose seeming psychhological health collapses under the geographic strain.  Often no one is more surprised than the sufferer, who had no idea of his emotional frailty and the support networks of his native environs.

  Our society overlooks the drain on emotional balance that results from severing attachments.  from the dawn of the species until a few hundred years ago, most human beings lived out their lives in one community..The signature lesson of the twentieth century is that unforeseen complications are ever the faithful companions of technological progress. The convenient devices that enable extensive mobility are problematic.  

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Peace Pipe

I'm known to roam around aimlessly mostly looking for something that i'm still unsure of. All the while taking pictures amidst my adventures.

The other day i've ventured across  new artists to add to my itunes, a beautiful empty park in the middle of the city, a fence that said off limits, the stranger named Trevor who joined me for iced coffee and chats, and a really good book that sat in the high corner that was covered with dust that spoke volumes to me.

let the photos tell the rest of the story:

  

 'put your pussy face on'

     it reads: I'm off to travel the world...i found it quite fitting.

  ^^ this one said:'  come with me on a treasure hunt'

 i'm a sucker for a good tree photo

The cafe i stumbled upon early in the morning. awesome.

       Avalanche City

travel bum

So today I had an interesting morning that started off with blood, needles, and X-ray examinations…all in which cost me hundreds of dollars that thankfully the good Lord provided me with. 

(Special thank you  to obscure international immigration fees.)

i got home, (to the new flat that my flatmate Briar and i  just recently moved into few days ago.) and I noticed that i was stressed, bruised and bit hungry.  I dont know about you, but i'm not a fan of starting off the morning with such a negative aura in my atmosphere.  I got home and i dumped my hand bag onto the floor and surely a little piece of folded dusty and crusty papered slipped out of my bag.

Makayla was amazing and totally came for company while i waited at the doctors. Nomaste.

              kitchen

            ocean view. the new flat is on a cliff. 5 minutes from briars and my favorite nudey bay.

            the couch in our room. available for passing by travelers and hitchhikers. ;)

I knew exactly what it was, Its a post it that i wrote to myself after a life epiphany i had few years back that had a bit something to do with rocks and Australian ocean waters, (but thats another time another adventure) and because it was such a sentimental moment in that season of my life,  i knew i had to write it down. 

Anyways, here is the little piece of paper that has been worn and torn and re-read millions of times that has helped me in times of lonely travel or in times that i just forget to breathe..

How quick it seems, that something as superficial as money can bring people down straight to the dumps.  Money plays such a funny little game. Those who have it, can't get enough but lack genuine happiness. Those who live without it, need it, yet are gleaming with pure bliss.  The power that money holds over man is so sad.  As embarrassing as it is to admit it, back home when i used to have a car, i would notice that if my gas tank was on empty, i'd be a bit more on edge and bitter than than when my gas tank showed me that it was full or more than half full.  How lame that something as the thought of how much gas i have at the moment could depict my emotions.

     "You cant worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both." - Matthew 6:23

When i lived my days in Africa, i've never had more genuine fun with my life just by interactions and conversations than i when i had my most expensive adventure to  the UK

People always ask about my travels, why i go? what do i do? what do i see? the typical questions, but i'd have to say, not one conversation continues on without them asking who pays for my travels.

The answer has always been and stayed the same.

My good Lord provides.

Honestly, THEE GOOD LORD PROVIDES.

i always get funny looks afterwards, or the awkward smile and shrug off the shoulder.

awkward?

believe it, or you don't.

i'm only twenty years old.

Unfortunately, i've been blessed enough to see more of the world than my parents, and grandparents and there grandparents combined.

There is no way that at my age, being a student and a nanny would have gotten me as far as it has.

As of now, i have no money.

Zip. Zilch. ZERO.

am i worried about it?

nah.

I'm crossing over the waters into the city tonight.

Going to dance to the amazing lyricism by my latest favorite band Avalanche City. Forget the troubles and stress that money WOULD like to hold over us.

Have the weekend off, if your in auckland, shoot me a text and we'll have a weekend adventure. I'm thinking, hitch, northern points, stargazing, and  bonfires, just to name a few.

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought. You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat. You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for. You're blessed. You. Are. Blessed.

            - matthew 5:4-9

Set Sail

Hope fills these sails,
and when i’m gone, it feels like home.
and i know that this is all that i’ve dreamt.
we belong on the other ends of the seas.
So easy to part ways,
Not as easy as when to say the goodbyes.
And now that i’m actually living my dream, i’m still yearning for more.
When will i ever toss this anchor down.
4 years and 5 continents later, i continue to create footprints and shadows across foreign places i’ve been called on to go.
Grow? hardly the right word for it.
Broken and molded back together…putting the right pieces back together to create the ultimate masterpiece.
I’m hungry.
i’m STARVING.
i dont want little appetizers anymore.
i want the feast.
I’m searching for the right table to join.
still searching. still hungry.

I will waste my life.
I’ll be tested and tried
With no regrets inside of me to find I’m at Your feet

I’ll leave my father’s house and I’ll leave my mother
I’ll leave all I have known and I’ll have no other

I am in love with You. There is no cost
I am in love with You. There is no loss
I am in love with You. I want to take Your name
I am in love with You.
I want to cling to You Jesus
Just let me cling to You Jesus

I’ll say goodbye to my father my mother
I’ll turn my back on every other love and
I’ll press on yes I’ll press on

-the exact words of my spirit at the moment.
thank you misty edwards.